A Fictional Interview with the President of the United States

The news of the nomination of Harriet Miers, a woman with no judiciary experience at all, to the Supreme Court of these United States has really gotten my funny level up. I wrote this fictional interview completely in jest. I have nothing but respect for the office of the President, but respect has never stopped humor.... read and enjoy.



Mr. President, you have nominated Harriet Miers to fill the US Supreme Court vacancy left by the retirement of Justice O’Connor. Would you like to elaborate on that decision please?

Yes, I would like to take this opportunity to assure all Americans that my decision to nominate Harriet to the nation’s highest court was not taken lightly. My staff and I worked around the clock, while we were not looking for weapons of mass destruction of course, looking for just the right nominee. I feel that my decision is a good one and we are going to work with Congress to make this happen.

Now, there have been rumors that you only gave the nomination to Mrs. Miers because she had baked a delicious apple pie for you last week. Is there any truth to this allegation?

Whoa there partner, you’re trying to get me all caught up in your clever web of words. I would just like to say that we are doing everything we can to help the victims of the dastardly terrorist attacks in New Orleans.

Mr. President, my question was pertaining to Mrs. Miers and her apple pie, and as far as Hurricane Katrina is concerned, I don’t think we can really label that as a terrorist attack.

Be that as it may, that was the best apple pie I’ve ever had. If people want to go around saying things I don’t understand, well, that’s their right to do so. The victims of Katrina will get their justice.

So you are saying that Mrs. Miers is your nominee for the Supreme Court because of her apple pie?

That’s just not the truth and people who say it is are just mean spirited and probably upset because they didn’t get the nomination. I chose Harriet because of her long-standing commitment to the United States and the freedom for which it stands, one nation, under God, indivisible…

And justice for all?

Not in my White House bubba.

I see, you brought up Hurricane Katrina and the federal government response to that disaster….

Now hold on, let’s get one thing straight. We don’t know who is responsible for these attacks yet, but I will personally track them down and show them how the good ol’ US of A deals with terrorists and those who harbor terrorists.

Mr. President, I’m not sure what your advisors have been telling you, but the general consensus is that Katrina was, in fact, just a horrible natural disaster. And of course we can’t forget Rita.

Katrina, Rita… all these names get me confused. We’re prepared to go to the United Nations on Monday and make our intelligence known.

I don’t see how your advisors can possibly think it a good idea to make your intelligence known. And I’m almost afraid to ask what intelligence you are referring to.

We will rebuild New Orleans. We’ll show all the evil people in the world that we will not cower to them.

Forgetting for the moment that I have no idea what you are talking about, I feel compelled to mention that it was not just New Orleans that was devastated by these hurricanes, but indeed much of the southern coast between Texas and Florida felt the affects as well.

Well last I checked New Orleans is where Mardi Gras is held. We’re very confident in our intelligence on that matter.

I see. Thank you for your time today Mr. President.

It’s been great, having this opportunity to speak with the people. Thank you very much. Oh, and stop by anytime for apple pie, I have a feeling I’m gonna have more than I can eat myself.

This has been an exclusive one-on-one interview with the President of the United States.